My Two Granddads

Dear Homo,

My cousin John has been with his partner, Larry, for close to 20 years and helped raise Larry's children.  They had a commitment ceremony 15 years ago and have filled out as many documents as possible to recognize their status as a couple, but unfortunately they live in a state that doesn't legally recognize them as married.  John and Larry had primary custody of the children, and the kids grew up with John as their second Dad.  Larry's ex-wife even liked John, and he was listed as the kid's guardian should anything ever happen to Larry and the Mom.  The kids are grown now, and two of the daughters are expecting babies.  These will be the first grandchildren. 

I was thinking about getting the babies a gift that might be kind of cute and recognize John and Larry's status, such as a onesie that reads, "I love My Grandpas," or something along those lines.  At first I was going to write and see if you had any recommendations for what I might be able to get them and where to look for such an item, but then I started to second-guess myself.  Given the struggles of so many to get their relationships recognized as equal to straight couples, is it appropriate for me to send something that identifies them as different?  I think there might be some fun items out there, and I believe my cousin would take it as such, but the fact that I'm questioning my decision led me to ask for an outside opinion. 

Any thoughts?

Signed,
Gift Giver

P.S.  Love the blog!

Dear GG, 

I must first point out that through no fault of your own, you have chosen perhaps the worst moniker possible -- "Gift Giver" -- for a gay-centric blog.  I'll spare you the hideous urban dictionary definition behind that term; if you're so inclined, you may look it up on your own. But be forewarned: It ain't pretty.

Ironically, though, the very shocking nature of "gift-giving" as it's defined in gay culture dovetails nicely with what will be the central theme of my reply to you, which is this: Is a "gay grandpas" T-shirt an appropriate gift? Honey, when it comes to the gays, there is no such thing as an inappropriate gift. Or, to put it another way, it is not possible to offend gay people.

Wait -- let me clarify that: It is not possible for gay people to be offended by the people who love and respect us, which you clearly do in spades. The people who hate us? Like Mexican singer Paquita la del Barrio, who told a magazine last week that she would rather her child die than be adopted by gay people? Yeah, she offends us. But you, sweet GG, you couldn't offend your cousin and his partner if you tried.

Gay people have lived as outsiders for so many centuries now that we have developed a keen sense of the absurd. As a community, we love to laugh at ourselves, and we are virtually unshockable. This makes gift-buying for us one the easiest and most delightful chores in the world. If you don't believe me, attend a gay or lesbian birthday party sometime and watch closely as the dildos, sexy underwear, campy DVDs and Cher dolls are unwrapped.

Now: As for the perfect gift for the grandbabies? That depends more on John and Larry's particular taste and style than on any socio-political considerations. Personally, I think the "I Love My Grandpas" onesie is an adorable choice. But you know these guys. What do you think they would give their own grandkids as a gift? Go with your instincts, and I'm sure whatever you get will be a hit.

Or, to bottom-line all of this for you: Any gift given with love is an appropriate and wonderful gift. And I think John and Larry and their growing family are lucky to count you as a friend.

I hope this helps.

Remember to Wrap It Up,
Homo

I Ain't Sayin' She's a Gold-Digger...

Dear Homo,

I am a serial blind dater and constantly having first and second dates that don't lead to anything. Last night I had a first date with someone who was more appealing than most of the men I've met recently - he seemed very sweet, educated and though he is far from a hottie, I didn't mind his looks. However, he doesn't have a job. He has been without a regular job for over a year, and from what I can tell, the sorts of jobs he pursues are very low-paying. 

Though I am trying not to let it bother me, it sort of does, and I can't help but wonder if I should not date him again because of his lack of employment. Is that superficial?

Signed,
Show Me The Money

Dear SMTM,

First, I think it's important that my readers know your gender, as it has some bearing on my advice to you. Though you don't mention it, I surmise by your email address that you are a woman.

(Incidentally, dear readers, I implore you: Please make it clear in your queries whether you are male, female, trans, gay, straight, bi, pan-fried, seared or vegan. Homo believes all people are created equal, but that doesn't necessarily mean their predicaments are.)

OK; so should you date this dead-beat? My answer is: Maybe.

SMTM, the real question here is not what kind of job he has, but what kind of goals. If you follow the news, you know that a whole lot of extremely talented, hard-working, ambitious people are out of a job right now -- about one in 10 Americans, actually. A far greater number are working at vocations beneath their skill sets and contrary to their desires. Times are tough.

So maybe your blind date lacks the drive and personal resources to land a good gig, or maybe he's just unlucky. Or maybe he is so passionate about his hobbies -- gardening, volley ball, cunnilingus -- that he simply lacks the time necessary to fully commit to a career.

Or maybe he's just a dead-beat.

It would be worth finding out. Because if you're anything like me, SMTM, you don't really care how much money a person makes or what kind of job he has, but rather that he does SOMETHING. And does it well. Human beings are attracted to achievement -- period. How else can you explain the tens of millions currently watching Apolo Anton Ohno circle endlessly around a rink?  (Of course, Homo wishes Apolo would circle endlessly around Homo's bed wearing nothing but skates and a smile. But Homo is getting himself needlessly worked up.)

But then again, you're not really like me, SMTM. You're a woman, and a straight one at that. So in addition to feeling the natural desire for a high achiever, you've also got that "searching for a provider" gene inherent in so many straight women -- even highly successful, wealthy women. It is often -- but not always -- different for us gay guys. We value other things more than one's ability to provide. Such as one's enormous penis.

To that end, I am less concerned about the whole job issue than I am about your saying: "I didn't mind his looks." Wow. Try applying that sentiment to any other aspect of a potential mate -- "I didn't mind his breath..." "I didn't mind his voice..." "I didn't mind his backne..." -- and you'll begin to see the problem.

Of course, a guy's physical attractiveness can change as you get to know him, just as his apparent earning potential can. And given that you did find him "more appealing" than your other recent dates, I would allow the guy one more try. But if afterwards you're even less enchanted than you were before, it'll be time to kick this loser to the curb.

I hope this helps.

No Scrubs,

Homo

Belly Aching

Dear Homo,

As straight women, my friends and I often lament that while gay men keep their abs in decent shape, not nearly as many hetero guys seem to feel that need. Why is that? And is there anything that can be done about the situation?

Signed,
Craving a Six-Pack


Dear CASP,

I hate to keep referencing "Sex and the City" lest I be regarded as a one-trick homo. But just as Muslims turn to the Koran, Jews turn to the Torah, and Christians turn to country music, Homo turns to SATC for wisdom, guidance and inspiration -- and finds it once again.

Case in point, Season Four's "All That Glitters," in which Carrie and the girls spend a night out a fictional gay club called Trade. Ogling all the hot male flesh around them, Miranda essentially asks the same question as yours: "Why don't straight men have bodies like this?"

To which Carrie replies: "Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym. If straight men had that, they'd be working out all the time, too."

Carrie's right, of course, but that's only part of the equation.

First, allow me to set you straight, so to speak, on one point: Not all gay men have great abs. Indeed, gay men come in all different shapes and sizes. In fact there's an entire sub-community of gay men -- the bears -- who like keeping their bellies full and natural looking. And it is, after all, natural for a man's belly to expand over time, just as natural breasts on a woman (and not a few men) will eventually sag.

But I do think we're safe in assuming that the average gay man is more body-conscious than the average straight man. There are myriad sociological, psychological and sexological reasons for this, but I'll save time and break it down to basics:

1) Men -- all men -- are visually oriented and tend to objectify whatever it is that turns us on. Hence the intense historical pressure on women to stay thin and beautiful.

2) Gay men are particularly concerned with aesthetics and like to surround ourselves with beauty and perfection. See Buonarroti, Michelangelo and Mackie, Bob.

3) Gay men are less likely to have spouses and children than straight men and thus have more free time to work out.

But times, CASP, they are a changin'. Historically, our bodies were one way we gay guys could easily spot one another, much as Dr. Seuss's Star-Belly Sneetches could distinguish themselves from their Plain-Belly brethren. Then, nearly 20 years ago, everything shifted.

In 1991, a gay designer named Calvin Klein teamed up with a straight rapper-turned-model named Marky Mark in a pair of white boxer-briefs. Suddenly, the male body, in all its muscular glory, was objectified before a mass market. Straight women worldwide proclaimed, "That's what I want!" Straight men worldwide proclaimed, "I better hit the gym!" Gay men worldwide suddenly developed a taste for rap music. And lesbians worldwide played golf.

Since then, a cultural movement has occurred in which hordes of straight men have become increasingly concerned with their appearance. For a time such men were labeled, rather pejoratively, as "metrosexual." Now they're pretty much mainstream. (Witness, for example, the phenomenon that is "Jersey Shore," with its overly coiffed, frighteningly tanned, juiced-up specimens of manhood. One can practically smell the mixture of hair gel and cologne wafting through one's television set.)

All of which is to say, CASP, that it shouldn't be too hard for you and your female cohorts to find straight guys with killer abs nowadays. Vanity and body obsession, it seems, are not just for women and gays anymore. The question you may have to ask yourselves, though, is whether or not that's a good thing.

Doing Crunches as We Speak,
Homo

Stage Fright

Hi Homo-ey,

I'm a gay man working in the theater world, in a position of some influence. Over the last couple of years, a theater producer I'd never met -- but we knew each other by reputation -- would put vaguely flirty posts on my Facebook wall. Then, two months ago, I was attending a show that he produced, and he cornered me during intermission and was quite chatty. It was clear that he was flirting with me -- he kept touching my arms, even my chest, and made one flattering remark about my body. I eventually shook his hand and said goodnight. 

The next day he hit me up by email and basically asked me out to dinner/drinks/coffee. I wasn't interested in him romantically, but I also didn't want to create any awkwardness between us, because I might well need to work with him in the future. I basically replied that I was very busy and didn't have time to get together in the near future, and that I hoped he was well. 

Then, this weekend, out of the blue, he emailed me again, proposing dinner/drinks/coffee. I'm not sure what to do. How direct should I be in expressing a lack of interest, given that we move in the same professional circles? Or should I get off my high horse and just go to dinner with him and try to make it clear that this is a friendly/working relationship? I have a feeling the latter move might lead him on. I don't know. Help!

Signed,
Broadway Baby

Dear BB,

Your query calls to mind some of my all-time favorite Broadway musicals. While your hapless hoofer keeps huffing, "God, I Hope I Get It" from A Chorus Line, you're playing South Pacific's Nellie Forbush, stuck in a perpetual loop of, "I'm Gonna Wash That Man Right Outta My Hair." While he's crooning West Side Story's "Something's Coming," you're belting out, "Good Night and Thank You" from Evita. While he's suggesting "Let's Misbehave" from Anything Goes, you're all "Please Don't Touch Me" from Young Frankenstein.

Having thereby established my own Broadway credentials, I hereby instruct you to lower the curtain on this production. And do it now...  before the second act.

Look, it sounds like you've been both pleasant and professional with this guy -- letting him know, in the nicest way possible, that your interest in him is strictly platonic. Yet he's been downright creepy, unduly persistent and utterly invasive of your personal space. (Touching your arms and chest? AT A BROADWAY SHOW?! That's almost as tacky as the use of recording devices while Patti LuPone is shrieking.)

Homo gets that your professional proximity to this person makes your position precarious. And as Noël Coward once said, "It is discouraging how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit." But honest you must be.

My repsonse to your producer-in-heat's latest entreaty would be: "I'd love to get drinks with you sometime as friends. But just so there's no misunderstanding, I'm not interested in dating you." Such a reply may seem blunt or even cold, but if my instincts are right, he's the kind of guy who needs a sandbag to fall on his head in order to get the picture.

By the way: Don't be surprised if he comes back with something along the lines of, "Well, of course! I wasn't suggesting we'd be anything other than friends!" That's typical face-saving bullshit. All you have to do is say: 

"OK, I just wanted to be sure, given that we work in the same business. My apologies if I was presumptuous." You can thus play the fool and let him think he's gotten the upper hand. Homo knows otherwise,  and so do you.

I hope this helps.

Remember to Silence Your Cell Phones,
Homo

Coin Slut

Dear Homo,

My teenage son works as a busboy, cashier, counter help and dishwasher in a very busy and successful deli in a very upscale suburban community. There are a number of tip jars on the counters, and with the many young teens working there, the patrons are very generous with the tips. The owner, however, dumps the tips right back into the register. 

Not only has this deception made me cynical about all tip jars, I have mixed feelings about my son working there. Otherwise, they are pretty nice to my son, giving him left-over baked goods and breads. I hate to miss their delicious muffins. Some advice?

Signed,
A Penny for Your Thoughts

Dear APFYT,

Homo is rather surprised that his readers seem to be preoccupied with tip-related issues, this being the second such query in as many weeks. Homo also wonders why Homo has taken to addressing himself in the third person. But Homo digresses.

My previously stated thoughts about the importance of tipping notwithstanding, I am dubious to the point of distress regarding the tip jar trend that has swept our nation over the last decade. It seems these days that you can't shake a dick... er, stick... without knocking over a tip jar. They are simply everywhere -- at the corner deli, at your neighborhood Starbucks, on the desk of your orthodontist's secretary -- I mean everywhere!

When it comes to tips, call me old-fashioned. (Just don't call me old.) I believe that except at Christmastime, the only workers one is required to tip are waiters, bartenders, car-parkers, drivers, delivery men, piano men, hair-cutters and hookers. These are people who perform important and difficult tasks that make our lives happier. And, with the exception of hookers, they all earn little or no wages for their efforts. For instance, the national minimum wage is $8.56 an hour. But employers are only required to pay waitstaff $5.69 an hour. Your tips make up the rest, and these folks couldn't survive without them.

Starbucks employees, on the other hand, make at least minimum wage, and many of them get health benefits as well. Homo has to pay for his own health benefits, so he sure as hell needs that quarter more than the barrista who prepared his caramel machiato.

So your cynicism is well founded, APFYT. Use your discretion when it comes to the ubiquitous tip jar.

As to your larger question about whether your son should continue working for a man who keeps tips intended for his employees: He should not. It takes a special kind of shithead to steal spare change from hard-working teens who are presumably trying to save for their future. And in my experience, such an ethical failing is only the tip of the shithead. Do you really want to teach your children to tolerate such behavior?

If I were you, I'd march right in there and tell this Scrooge that your son can no longer work for him unless he immediately stops robbing his employees of the tips they've earned. Better yet, have your son do it himself. It will be a tremendous life lesson about the importance of confronting injustice. And though he'll probably be fired over it, your son will find another place to work, and you'll manage to survive without those nasty day-old muffins.

I hope this helps.

Caroline or Change,
Homo

All Over His Face

Dear Homo,    
Since gay guys are experts on "beards" I thought you could please explain Brad Pitt's to me. Thanks!
 
Rebecca in Denver

Dear RID,

Ah, yes: Gay men and beards go together like peaches and cream, like Dolce and Gabbana, like Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes. And yet I must confess, I am as stumped as you when it comes to that loathsome, scraggly mess taking over Brad Bitt's otherwise lovely face of late.

Homo is not a fan of facial hair in general -- or pubic hair for that matter -- or, most especially, facial hair that looks like pubic hair. And such scrub is particularly unsettling when sported by heavenly creatures such as Mr. Pitt. For him to grow and keep such a monstrosity is the facial equivalent of covering the Hope Diamond with dog poop. (And one suspects the aroma is similar.)

Unable to answer your question on my own, I turned to E! Online's Ted Casablanca, a k a the Homo Oracle. As luck would have it, Mr. Casablanca recently posted about this very topic on his blog, "The Awful Truth." He dispels the notion that Brad grew the beard in order to portray Col. Percy Harrison Fawcett in the upcoming film, "The Lost City of Z." The movie, Casablanca points out, is nowhere near ready to shoot. (There isn't even a script!)

Ted offers an alternate theory: That Brad could be following a well-known pattern in which people in unhappy relationships "stink themselves up." Now, Homo doesn't want to cast any aspersions on the union of Brad and his longtime companion, Angelina Jolie, especially since they (Brad and Angie) recently sued Britain's News of the World for just such an aspersion, and he (Homo) does not currently have a pot to piss in.

But hypothetically speaking, it would make sense for Brad to make his kisser as unkissable as possible if he wishes not to be kissed by she who regularly kisses his kisser. If you follow me. Let's hope that whatever the case may be, Brad's delicious visage is soon returned to its former clean-shaven glory.

I hope this helps.

High on a Hill Was a Lonely Goatee,
Homo

Don't You Want Me, Baby?

Dear Homo (or may I call you "Mo?"),

I went out with a really great guy a few days ago (a first date). We had a dinner that lasted almost two hours because we had great conversation and got to know more about each other. We then came back to my house and continued talking about various likes/dislikes, etc. Everything remained on a non-sexual level, but the conversation seemed to flow very well, and we both seemed interested in learning more about the other person. It was getting late, and we both had to be at work early the next day. 

As he left, we had a nice good-night kiss, and I stated I would really like to get together again sometime. He responded, "Sure, let's get together again". 

Since then, he has initiated no communication. He has responded to text messages that have gone back and forth with, but he has not called me back. We both have rather demanding and busy jobs, so it's not like I expected him to call the next morning and want to go out that next night. But it has been well over a week, and I'm starting to sense he "is just not that into me." So the question is, should I just ask if he actually is interested in getting together again, or should I accept his apparent lack of interest and move on?
 
Signed,
Homo Alone

Dear HA,

Sure -- call me "Mo." I'm sure I have at least one Jewish great-uncle by that name.

The obvious point of reference here (and it seems to be on your mind already) is the classic "He's Just Not That Into You" episode of "Sex and the City," the theme of which was eventually turned into a best-selling self-help book and a hit chick-flick so absurd that it actually ended with Jennifer Aniston happily married. (It would have been more believable had she turned into a Transformer.)

To briefly recap the original premise: Miranda goes on what she thinks is a good date, which ends with the guy turning down an invitation to come up to her apartment. She expects the guy to call and is perplexed when he doesn't. When she recounts this story to Carrie and her new boyfriend, Berger, he proclaims, "He's just not that into you."

"If he's into you," Berger explains, "he's coming up, meeting or no meeting. He's booking the next date."

 

But HA, your situation is a bit different, as the guy DID come back to your house after dinner. Actually, it's another episode of SATC altogether that your date calls to mind: "Are We Sluts?"

In that one, you may recall, Carrie wonders why Aidan, whom she's been dating for a week and a half, won't have sex with her. Samantha warns Carrie that if she doesn't get Aidan into bed soon, she'll wind up in the dreaded "friend zone," in which Aidan will never regard her as a sexual being.

When it comes to gay men, HA, my personal answer to Carrie's question is: "Yes; we are sluts." 

Which is not to say that two gay men can't go on a first date without winding up in the sack (or the sac). But if I am truly attracted to a guy, and he is attracted to me, and we go on a good date together, things are not going to remain on a "non-sexual level" for very long. There's a palpable hunger for the other person that usually leads to a lot of sweaty groping or more. At the very least, I'm going to try for more than just a "nice good-night kiss," and I'm definitely going to plan a future sexcapade.

To be completely honest, it seems like you entered the friend zone immediately and that perhaps you and your date learned too much about each other too soon. Talking about your likes and dislikes doesn't sound romantic or flirtatious or sexy to me; it sounds like the kind of conversation one has with a coworker. 

"Oh, you got beets in your salad? I hate beets."

"Really? I LOVE beets!"

Stop, I'm getting hard.

Should you ask if he's interested in getting together again? Sure -- it's never a bad idea to put it out there, express yourself honestly and ask for an honest answer. But be prepared for the fact that you may have already gotten his answer. The bottom line is, men pursue the ones we want and don't pursue the ones we don't. Which may not be as catchy a phrase as "He's Just Not That Into You," but that's why SATC writer Greg Behrendt wound up with his own talk show and I'm writing a blog that's read by five people.

I hope this helps.

Manolos forever,
Homo

No Soup For You!

Dear Homo:
 
If your soup is cold, are you stuck with it, or do you ask the waiter to heat it up and trust no monkey business? Or am I being paranoid? Also, if the waiter disappears for most of the service so you never had a chance to order another drink or get more rolls, etc., is ten percent generous?

Signed,
Soup's On

Dear SO:

The issues you raise here are near and dear to my heart because I myself have worked as a waiter and bartender over the years. If you've never done it, I'm here to tell you that food service is one of the hardest jobs in the world. Truly. Any C-student jackass party-boy can advance to the White House (see Bush, George W.) but it takes a truly smart cookie to make a good waiter.

With those biases in mind, here's my take on your cold soup conundrum:

There is absolutely nothing wrong with sending back food when it's not prepared to your liking. You're paying good money for that soup; it should arrive nice and hot. (Unless it's vichyssoise or gazpacho, in which case sending it back will make you look dumber than W.)

But the key here is attitude. The waiter didn't prepare the soup, so it's almost never his fault when it arrives cold. Given that, when you send the soup back, show some respect and civility: "Excuse me, Sir? I hate to trouble you, but my soup is really cold. Do you think you could have the chef heat it up for me?"

I guarantee you that unless he's a total psycho, the waiter will do nothing more than apologize profusely and bring you new soup, without any kind of monkey business. (And honestly, even when customers were hideous toward me, I never fouled anyone's food or beverage. It's a really sick thing to do, and I valued my job too much in any case.)

As for the second part of your query, whether a ten percent tip is "generous" for inattentive service: No. Ten percent is never generous. But such a meager tip (or no tip at all) may be justified in certain circumstances.

Always ask yourself this: Did the waiter make a sincere effort to provide you with good service? Because maybe he did, and maybe the problem was that the restaurant was severely understaffed, and your waiter was forced to juggle too many tables. Try to assess the situation fairly, and tip accordingly.

My own rule of thumb is as follows: Good service gets a 20 percent tip. Adequate service gets 15 percent. Shitty service gets 10. And if the waiter was downright hostile, or if my soup arrived garnished with a giant loogey, no tip for you.

I hope this helps.

Just put the tip in,
Homo

Too Much Information

Dear Homo:

I have a daughter who since childhood tells me everything. When she was a kid this was terrific. I knew all her inner thoughts and was in touch with what was going on with her. I could give her advice and help guide her.  My friends envied our realtionship and I felt that I had a great child and I must be an excellent mother.

All this came to haunt me in the end.  My daughter feels so comfortable with me that she tells me things now that she is a young woman that I no longer feel comfortable hearing. I knew I was in trouble the night she saw me and told me she had just lost her virginity. I was a secret smoker up until then and just took one out and lit it, hoping somehow to keep my head from exploding. I told myself at the time that I should be flattered that she feels so safe and comfortable with me.
 
She is now 22 and I have had to endure stories of her sexual response, a boyfriend's impotence, a regretful one-night-stand or two and an attempted date rape. I drew the line and refused to discuss any questions about my own sex life, at least keeping my boundry intact.   

Here's my question: I know I should tell her that I don't feel comfortable knowing all of this. Yet part of me likes knowing her business. Part of me wants her to tell me. At this point I just listen, because I don't approve of a lot of what she's doing. In my gut I know I have to stop having her tell me far too much. Or do I ???

Signed,
Don't Tell Mama

Dear DTM:

Thank you for being the first to write me. Your letter reminds me of an old "Oprah" episode I watched years ago. Oprah had as her guest an etiquette expert who was answering questions from the audience about how to deal with various awkward situations. One person asked, "What do I do when someone just won't stop talking?"

And here Oprah chimed in. "Oh, this happens to me a lot to me," she said. "You know what I say to people like that? I say, 'You're telling me more than I need to know.'"

I remember thinking, "Wow, Oprah's kind of a cunt."

Your daughter is telling you more than you need to know, but your issue with her isn't really one of etiquette; it's one of boundaries. You said as much when you wrote, "keeping my boundary intact."

Negotiating boundaries is difficult in any relationship, but it's particularly hard in families. Families are constantly evolving, and no two family members have the same relationship. I have one sister to whom I would tell just about anything regarding my sex life, whereas my other sister would probably run screaming from the room as soon as I said the word "lube." And my parents? Just the thought of talking about sex with them is enough to make my balls shrivel up.

Because we do have that boundary, and it's a strong one. My mom wants to know everything that goes on in my life... until it reaches the bedroom door. Then she wants to be Helen Keller. And I want her to be.

You write, "Part of me likes knowing her business." Yes, the maternal part of you likes knowing what your child is up to. That's a normal and healthy desire. But that doesn't mean you want to know exactly how big her boyfriend's dick is. (That's actually something I want to know.) Seriously: That's the sort of information that is appropriate for her to share with her peers -- not her mother.

It's amazing and wonderful that your daughter feels comfortable and trusting enough with you to share so much. But she's over-sharing, and you need to let her know that -- perhaps less cuntily than Oprah, but still clearly and firmly. The next time she starts in on the all-too-juicy details, you should simply say, "Sweetie, you don't need to tell me that part." If she asks why, be honest: "Because it makes me uncomfortable."

She may be an adult now, but you're still the parent, and she apparently still needs you to set that boundary. In the long run, drawing such lines will be healthier not only for you, but also for her as she goes about forming new relationships and ultimately starting a family of her own.

I hope this helps.

Sharing is scaring,
Homo

Ask a Homo - Introduction

People often ask me for advice; I'm not sure why. But they seem to think I'm good at giving it. Or maybe they just sense that I am completely non-judgmental when it comes to the habits, lifestyles, foibles and filthy sexual secrets of others. And that I'll give them the most honest, objective answers I know how.

In any case, I figured what the hell, I might as well create an advice blog and see if I could parlay this little hobby of mine into a new vocation, and perhaps help some people along the way.

A few disclaimers:

Although I have an undergraduate degree in psychology, I am in no way a licensed or qualified mental health professional. I'm just a 30-something gay dude living in New York City who's had a lot of different life experiences. Nor am I a medical doctor. I'll happily give you the best advice I can, but you should consult a licensed professional for any serious or potentially life-threatening issues and take everything I tell you with a grain of salt.

You should know that anything you share with me will be kept in strictest confidence and reprinted on the blog anonymously. I will never share your email address or any other identifying information with anyone (except in the unlikely event that I am required to do so by law enforcement).

I will try to respond to as many emails as possible, and all responses will appear on this blog only.

You can submit all your questions by clicking here.

So who's first?