Don't You Want Me, Baby?

Dear Homo (or may I call you "Mo?"),

I went out with a really great guy a few days ago (a first date). We had a dinner that lasted almost two hours because we had great conversation and got to know more about each other. We then came back to my house and continued talking about various likes/dislikes, etc. Everything remained on a non-sexual level, but the conversation seemed to flow very well, and we both seemed interested in learning more about the other person. It was getting late, and we both had to be at work early the next day. 

As he left, we had a nice good-night kiss, and I stated I would really like to get together again sometime. He responded, "Sure, let's get together again". 

Since then, he has initiated no communication. He has responded to text messages that have gone back and forth with, but he has not called me back. We both have rather demanding and busy jobs, so it's not like I expected him to call the next morning and want to go out that next night. But it has been well over a week, and I'm starting to sense he "is just not that into me." So the question is, should I just ask if he actually is interested in getting together again, or should I accept his apparent lack of interest and move on?
 
Signed,
Homo Alone

Dear HA,

Sure -- call me "Mo." I'm sure I have at least one Jewish great-uncle by that name.

The obvious point of reference here (and it seems to be on your mind already) is the classic "He's Just Not That Into You" episode of "Sex and the City," the theme of which was eventually turned into a best-selling self-help book and a hit chick-flick so absurd that it actually ended with Jennifer Aniston happily married. (It would have been more believable had she turned into a Transformer.)

To briefly recap the original premise: Miranda goes on what she thinks is a good date, which ends with the guy turning down an invitation to come up to her apartment. She expects the guy to call and is perplexed when he doesn't. When she recounts this story to Carrie and her new boyfriend, Berger, he proclaims, "He's just not that into you."

"If he's into you," Berger explains, "he's coming up, meeting or no meeting. He's booking the next date."

 

But HA, your situation is a bit different, as the guy DID come back to your house after dinner. Actually, it's another episode of SATC altogether that your date calls to mind: "Are We Sluts?"

In that one, you may recall, Carrie wonders why Aidan, whom she's been dating for a week and a half, won't have sex with her. Samantha warns Carrie that if she doesn't get Aidan into bed soon, she'll wind up in the dreaded "friend zone," in which Aidan will never regard her as a sexual being.

When it comes to gay men, HA, my personal answer to Carrie's question is: "Yes; we are sluts." 

Which is not to say that two gay men can't go on a first date without winding up in the sack (or the sac). But if I am truly attracted to a guy, and he is attracted to me, and we go on a good date together, things are not going to remain on a "non-sexual level" for very long. There's a palpable hunger for the other person that usually leads to a lot of sweaty groping or more. At the very least, I'm going to try for more than just a "nice good-night kiss," and I'm definitely going to plan a future sexcapade.

To be completely honest, it seems like you entered the friend zone immediately and that perhaps you and your date learned too much about each other too soon. Talking about your likes and dislikes doesn't sound romantic or flirtatious or sexy to me; it sounds like the kind of conversation one has with a coworker. 

"Oh, you got beets in your salad? I hate beets."

"Really? I LOVE beets!"

Stop, I'm getting hard.

Should you ask if he's interested in getting together again? Sure -- it's never a bad idea to put it out there, express yourself honestly and ask for an honest answer. But be prepared for the fact that you may have already gotten his answer. The bottom line is, men pursue the ones we want and don't pursue the ones we don't. Which may not be as catchy a phrase as "He's Just Not That Into You," but that's why SATC writer Greg Behrendt wound up with his own talk show and I'm writing a blog that's read by five people.

I hope this helps.

Manolos forever,
Homo