I Ain't Sayin' She's a Gold-Digger...

Dear Homo,

I am a serial blind dater and constantly having first and second dates that don't lead to anything. Last night I had a first date with someone who was more appealing than most of the men I've met recently - he seemed very sweet, educated and though he is far from a hottie, I didn't mind his looks. However, he doesn't have a job. He has been without a regular job for over a year, and from what I can tell, the sorts of jobs he pursues are very low-paying. 

Though I am trying not to let it bother me, it sort of does, and I can't help but wonder if I should not date him again because of his lack of employment. Is that superficial?

Signed,
Show Me The Money

Dear SMTM,

First, I think it's important that my readers know your gender, as it has some bearing on my advice to you. Though you don't mention it, I surmise by your email address that you are a woman.

(Incidentally, dear readers, I implore you: Please make it clear in your queries whether you are male, female, trans, gay, straight, bi, pan-fried, seared or vegan. Homo believes all people are created equal, but that doesn't necessarily mean their predicaments are.)

OK; so should you date this dead-beat? My answer is: Maybe.

SMTM, the real question here is not what kind of job he has, but what kind of goals. If you follow the news, you know that a whole lot of extremely talented, hard-working, ambitious people are out of a job right now -- about one in 10 Americans, actually. A far greater number are working at vocations beneath their skill sets and contrary to their desires. Times are tough.

So maybe your blind date lacks the drive and personal resources to land a good gig, or maybe he's just unlucky. Or maybe he is so passionate about his hobbies -- gardening, volley ball, cunnilingus -- that he simply lacks the time necessary to fully commit to a career.

Or maybe he's just a dead-beat.

It would be worth finding out. Because if you're anything like me, SMTM, you don't really care how much money a person makes or what kind of job he has, but rather that he does SOMETHING. And does it well. Human beings are attracted to achievement -- period. How else can you explain the tens of millions currently watching Apolo Anton Ohno circle endlessly around a rink?  (Of course, Homo wishes Apolo would circle endlessly around Homo's bed wearing nothing but skates and a smile. But Homo is getting himself needlessly worked up.)

But then again, you're not really like me, SMTM. You're a woman, and a straight one at that. So in addition to feeling the natural desire for a high achiever, you've also got that "searching for a provider" gene inherent in so many straight women -- even highly successful, wealthy women. It is often -- but not always -- different for us gay guys. We value other things more than one's ability to provide. Such as one's enormous penis.

To that end, I am less concerned about the whole job issue than I am about your saying: "I didn't mind his looks." Wow. Try applying that sentiment to any other aspect of a potential mate -- "I didn't mind his breath..." "I didn't mind his voice..." "I didn't mind his backne..." -- and you'll begin to see the problem.

Of course, a guy's physical attractiveness can change as you get to know him, just as his apparent earning potential can. And given that you did find him "more appealing" than your other recent dates, I would allow the guy one more try. But if afterwards you're even less enchanted than you were before, it'll be time to kick this loser to the curb.

I hope this helps.

No Scrubs,

Homo