Coin Slut

Dear Homo,

My teenage son works as a busboy, cashier, counter help and dishwasher in a very busy and successful deli in a very upscale suburban community. There are a number of tip jars on the counters, and with the many young teens working there, the patrons are very generous with the tips. The owner, however, dumps the tips right back into the register. 

Not only has this deception made me cynical about all tip jars, I have mixed feelings about my son working there. Otherwise, they are pretty nice to my son, giving him left-over baked goods and breads. I hate to miss their delicious muffins. Some advice?

Signed,
A Penny for Your Thoughts

Dear APFYT,

Homo is rather surprised that his readers seem to be preoccupied with tip-related issues, this being the second such query in as many weeks. Homo also wonders why Homo has taken to addressing himself in the third person. But Homo digresses.

My previously stated thoughts about the importance of tipping notwithstanding, I am dubious to the point of distress regarding the tip jar trend that has swept our nation over the last decade. It seems these days that you can't shake a dick... er, stick... without knocking over a tip jar. They are simply everywhere -- at the corner deli, at your neighborhood Starbucks, on the desk of your orthodontist's secretary -- I mean everywhere!

When it comes to tips, call me old-fashioned. (Just don't call me old.) I believe that except at Christmastime, the only workers one is required to tip are waiters, bartenders, car-parkers, drivers, delivery men, piano men, hair-cutters and hookers. These are people who perform important and difficult tasks that make our lives happier. And, with the exception of hookers, they all earn little or no wages for their efforts. For instance, the national minimum wage is $8.56 an hour. But employers are only required to pay waitstaff $5.69 an hour. Your tips make up the rest, and these folks couldn't survive without them.

Starbucks employees, on the other hand, make at least minimum wage, and many of them get health benefits as well. Homo has to pay for his own health benefits, so he sure as hell needs that quarter more than the barrista who prepared his caramel machiato.

So your cynicism is well founded, APFYT. Use your discretion when it comes to the ubiquitous tip jar.

As to your larger question about whether your son should continue working for a man who keeps tips intended for his employees: He should not. It takes a special kind of shithead to steal spare change from hard-working teens who are presumably trying to save for their future. And in my experience, such an ethical failing is only the tip of the shithead. Do you really want to teach your children to tolerate such behavior?

If I were you, I'd march right in there and tell this Scrooge that your son can no longer work for him unless he immediately stops robbing his employees of the tips they've earned. Better yet, have your son do it himself. It will be a tremendous life lesson about the importance of confronting injustice. And though he'll probably be fired over it, your son will find another place to work, and you'll manage to survive without those nasty day-old muffins.

I hope this helps.

Caroline or Change,
Homo