My Two Granddads

Dear Homo,

My cousin John has been with his partner, Larry, for close to 20 years and helped raise Larry's children.  They had a commitment ceremony 15 years ago and have filled out as many documents as possible to recognize their status as a couple, but unfortunately they live in a state that doesn't legally recognize them as married.  John and Larry had primary custody of the children, and the kids grew up with John as their second Dad.  Larry's ex-wife even liked John, and he was listed as the kid's guardian should anything ever happen to Larry and the Mom.  The kids are grown now, and two of the daughters are expecting babies.  These will be the first grandchildren. 

I was thinking about getting the babies a gift that might be kind of cute and recognize John and Larry's status, such as a onesie that reads, "I love My Grandpas," or something along those lines.  At first I was going to write and see if you had any recommendations for what I might be able to get them and where to look for such an item, but then I started to second-guess myself.  Given the struggles of so many to get their relationships recognized as equal to straight couples, is it appropriate for me to send something that identifies them as different?  I think there might be some fun items out there, and I believe my cousin would take it as such, but the fact that I'm questioning my decision led me to ask for an outside opinion. 

Any thoughts?

Signed,
Gift Giver

P.S.  Love the blog!

Dear GG, 

I must first point out that through no fault of your own, you have chosen perhaps the worst moniker possible -- "Gift Giver" -- for a gay-centric blog.  I'll spare you the hideous urban dictionary definition behind that term; if you're so inclined, you may look it up on your own. But be forewarned: It ain't pretty.

Ironically, though, the very shocking nature of "gift-giving" as it's defined in gay culture dovetails nicely with what will be the central theme of my reply to you, which is this: Is a "gay grandpas" T-shirt an appropriate gift? Honey, when it comes to the gays, there is no such thing as an inappropriate gift. Or, to put it another way, it is not possible to offend gay people.

Wait -- let me clarify that: It is not possible for gay people to be offended by the people who love and respect us, which you clearly do in spades. The people who hate us? Like Mexican singer Paquita la del Barrio, who told a magazine last week that she would rather her child die than be adopted by gay people? Yeah, she offends us. But you, sweet GG, you couldn't offend your cousin and his partner if you tried.

Gay people have lived as outsiders for so many centuries now that we have developed a keen sense of the absurd. As a community, we love to laugh at ourselves, and we are virtually unshockable. This makes gift-buying for us one the easiest and most delightful chores in the world. If you don't believe me, attend a gay or lesbian birthday party sometime and watch closely as the dildos, sexy underwear, campy DVDs and Cher dolls are unwrapped.

Now: As for the perfect gift for the grandbabies? That depends more on John and Larry's particular taste and style than on any socio-political considerations. Personally, I think the "I Love My Grandpas" onesie is an adorable choice. But you know these guys. What do you think they would give their own grandkids as a gift? Go with your instincts, and I'm sure whatever you get will be a hit.

Or, to bottom-line all of this for you: Any gift given with love is an appropriate and wonderful gift. And I think John and Larry and their growing family are lucky to count you as a friend.

I hope this helps.

Remember to Wrap It Up,
Homo